Expecting Julia Rose, Kern River, Bakersfield, California Maternity Session

They say good things come to those who wait. Well, the wait for us was a long time. 18 months to be exact.

For those parents who know the struggles of trying to conceive, there is no need to try to explain. But for those who don’t, the simplest way to describe it would be like having your heart broken over and over again. 

Of course, everyone has an opinion once they find out you’ve been “trying”. That feeling of failure when you notice that look on their face as if they now pity you.

As I think back to those days, I can’t forget the intense emotional roller coaster it put us on. Every new month was like a fresh start. By the end, agonizing defeat.

The “two week wait” became all I could focus on. I planned all my events around fertile times. I obsessed over what I was or was not doing that could possibly help or hurt my chances. I became this fertility zombie. I selfishly put all my energy into conceiving. 

The most common advice I received was to “stop trying”.

“Once you stop, that’s when it will happen”.

Yeah. Ok. Sure. I’ll stop “trying”. At least that’s what I said. But deep down I was still counting my cycle, buying ovulation kits and praying. I think the only thing I might have done was started drinking coffee again (moderately). 

For anyone who has used ovulation kits, you will understand when I say that when you see that happy face, it’s like 10,000 angels lifting you up and then the most awesome feeling of euphoria takes over! The world stops and there is only ONE thing you want to do! Those happy faces ruled my world for many months. 

Thank God for my husband. He was the only one keeping me sane during what I can look back on as one of my toughest times as an adult. Even though it was hard for him, too, he never showed it. He stayed so strong and positive. I honestly don’t know how he did it. When I would be so broken, just knowing that I had him next to me going through the same thing is what made me pick myself up and dry my tears. And boy were there a lot to dry. 

As it turns out, there was nothing “wrong” with either of us. After 18 months we conceived our baby naturally. But the struggle was real. And I empathize with every other woman who ever had the want to be pregnant, and had to wait any amount of time.

Every story is different. This just happens to be ours. Although ours has a happy ending, I know not all do. And I am ever so grateful that we will have the opportunity to be parents, and we will strive to be the most loving kind.

We may not be perfect, but I know we will never take for granted our most cherished blessing, baby Julia Rose.